Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
