just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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