I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
