I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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