Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
