Apparently you make a good broom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
