If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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