K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
