Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
