Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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