i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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