Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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