So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
