Sponge bath it is.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
