Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
