i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
