I smell stomach acid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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