She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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