More tranny stories later!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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