i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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