i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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