I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
