every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
