i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
