so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
