but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
