Your dad touched me again.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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