woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize