Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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