You really coming over, don't trick.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
