That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
