I got chris browned last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
