Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
