Can i not drive my cunt home
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
