Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
