and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The air was thick with penises
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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