umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
