I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
