he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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