Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
