If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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