I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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