Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
