Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
