i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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