evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
