is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
