i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
