We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
