I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
