Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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