what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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