Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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