someone threw a dead crab at me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
