I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
