Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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