We won't sleep together?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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