hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
