I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
