If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
