3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
