So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
