think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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