the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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