Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
