I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Boobs speak an international language.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
