the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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