Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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