I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
