and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
