ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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