I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
