I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
