be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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