Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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