she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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