can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
