this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
